Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Have a good time

Soft summer rain is covering the island of lava. After four years of living in the Icelandic countryside I finally understand, why grass culms are so shy and careful to show themselves in late may, and why we should learn from them. They are overcareful, cold spells might come over them and press them to the ground.
Those culms, that are not strong enough, will die.

I don't feel any fear, instead a growing desire of losing myself in nature. Nature does not hold, but at least the grounds you are walking are reliable and firm. Life as a foreigner in the countryside is not firm. You get used to being alone, of being called 'meri' (bitch) behind your back, get used to live isolated from a society that basically is built on families/clans and has no space for individuals. Studying Icelandic history of the past 200 years made me understand the reason for exclusiveness. Living it, though, is very hard.
So life outside will either kill you, or make you strong, the latter which will isolate you even more. People who never shared the experience and never lived abroad, have no idea what I am talking about. It wouldn't help, either. The lack of caritas is often covered by having a good time, and by alcohol.
Having a good time is really a good idea :-)

It has proven to be easy to forward people in tears to a physician, recommend pills and get rid of the problem. However, when your heart bleeds from the stab of the man you love, no anticoagulant will stop the stream. But even when your author's voice fell silent, while getting lost in languages and culture, the meaning of words might at least give soothing images. If you have lost everything, the images will still be there, although words can't replace human touch. If you need to touch, groom your horse.

I do like the strong story behind the "accolade", the medieval sword ceremony between a king and his knight. Iron touching man, can a gesture be more extreme? It is only a few centimeters between the sword on the shoulder and the blade in the neck vein - between appreciating and deleting. It is only a breath between a smile and the suggestion that you are no longer welcome to a group that used to speak friendly to you.
You should have a good time, at least :-)

Hopelessness starts with the complete lack of ideas. No need to be desparate. Being isolated and out of ideas is enough. The first idea behind the wall of deafness will be the idea to disappear, which is coward, but in fact a sign of desparation.
Maybe the french girl who "went for a walk" a few days ago from a farm in the Westfjords, who got lost and had to be searched by 200 rescuers, had simply tried to disappear. She wore no jacket, had lost her shoes and "forgot" her cell phone. Media stressed that she was an experienced climber and hiker.
You never take a walk without cellphone and jacket into snowy Westfjord mountains.
Maybe a cold spell had swept over this young culm.
Next time she better have a good time.
When I decide to disappear, I will do it the right way, I'm f*ing german.
And try to have a good time.

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